Finding Myself in the Midst of it All

There are several things that make up a persons identity, whether it is their personality, their actions, or their personal experiences. E.E. Cummings quotes that ‘’It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are,’’ which is certainly true with my experiences. Some of things that make up the person I am today are that of: my past, my personality, and even self-esteem problems.

Growing up as a child was difficult, due to the fact that I was the baby of two older brothers that were always on my back. I remember being on the schools playground being constantly watched because my mother also worked as a teacher’s aid at my school. Then came Jr. High School, and I was going to be on my own, my brothers were off to a public school while I was put in a private school. I struggled my first year from the transition of a public school to a private school because the rules were so different. It was very difficult for me to adapt to them up until my second year. I made new friends and even became more open to things that I had never experienced. High School was soon to come after eight grade graduation, and I was in for another change in my life.

Throughout my first couple of years at Marian Catholic High School, I would see how a lot of the girls wanted to be like someone else, so I wanted the same thing. Not knowing who or what my personality was affected me throughout my last High School years. Soon came my junior and senior year, parties would come up and so did drinking. Drugs and liquor were always offered and I was eager to try. For a while, I would find ways and places to do them, but was scared that I’d get addicted. The last months of my senior year, I was still trying to create myself, and find out what is was that I was missing. Nothing seemed as if it was falling into place, and I was ready to give up with doing my best at anything.

My next encounter with finding my identity was moving into the Mount. The first few months of college were extremely uncomfortable for me. I was far away from San Diego and didn’t know how to accept the change in community. Going to an all girls school was also a bit of a problem for me, due to the fact that I grew up with mostly guys. My identity was soon to be discovered with all of the experiences that I had gone through with High School. With the next four or five months of college, I began noticing a change in me, a change that would benefit me in the future. This change was that of responsibility and character.

As I look back on all of my past experiences and struggles with trying to be myself, I finally found out what I was missing, my self-esteem and my own personality. I began breaking limits, instead of setting them and learned to strive for the best. Being me wasn’t hard, because I learned to love myself and to appreciate the people that loved me for me also.

I am a person of integrity, and courage. Dr. Seuss quotes ‘’Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.’’ I admire this quote because reality is better than dreams, sometimes we just need to wake up and figure out what we need and are missing in life. No one is perfect, only unique. I am April Robles; love me for what I am not for what I’m not.